Would everyone be so inflamed all the time if they weren’t communicating via the written word?
I’m not talking bodily inflammation, although that can increase with the stress and anger brought on by these situations. I mean the ruffled feathers over communications that, had they been spoken aloud, would probably sound neutral and reasonable. Instead, these feathers are ruffled as though a hurricane has ripped through- leaving the bird a little bald.
I love to communicate through writing. It gives me the time and space to be discerning about what I really want to say instead of getting tongue-tied when I can’t articulate at the speed of thought. It also comes naturally to me, which probably explains why my Readings are also channeled this way. So it was confusing to me why messages exchanged with friends and family were being misinterpreted more and more. What would be a passing comment or a suggestion I was excited to share was responded to with accusations of having implied something so far from my intentions that they actually confused me.
I understand not everyone is comfortable with writing. I began to realize how much a tone of voice conveys and how many blanks are left to fill in when reading personal messages. We can pepper text with emojis, but these can be interpreted in a passive aggressive or even a fearful way, as if the person is begging us not to take offense at what is being said even when it wouldn’t normally be interpreted as offensive in a spoken conversation.
Nothing sparks defensiveness like that moment when you sense the other person is purposely trying not to offend you. Becoming an emoji master isn’t particularly useful because a smiley doesn’t help much if a person is reading through a lens of insecurity, fear or whatever emotion they might be struggling with that day. You can say, have a nice day, and they paint it with the tone of how they’re feeling at that moment. The walls go up, and it’s downhill from there.
It’s understandable that we’re all under more pressure if we’re not feeling safe in the world right now. After another slightly confusing conversation with a family member via messages that quickly turned from what I was perceiving as matter of fact, to irritated then outright accusatory, I wondered- if more of the current collective discussions were also done via verbal exchange instead of articles and tweets and posts and memes, maybe everyone wouldn’t have as much of a chance to perceive nothing but ill intention from the author. The projections wouldn’t go away completely, but it seems that half of the arguments might suddenly sound more like an expression of concerns on each side than the current default to an accusation and dismissal.
Maybe you’ve heard the Ayruvedic principle- as is the macro, so is the micro; the exterior world is a reflection of our interior worlds. In this context, perhaps the global discussions are a reflection of how we’re communicating in our individual personal conversations.
What can we change at the micro level?
It could be time to begin practicing what, before this age, was taken for granted as our innate human ability to listen, read nonverbal cues, and wonder why we feel differently than the speaker before telling them they’re wrong for what they feel. Or maybe even without telling them they’re wrong.
Barreling into the holidays, it’s the perfect time for a little practice, so return to some of these thoughts during your discussions:
How can you make your communications more conscious?
This doesn’t mean you have to know all the information. It just means you have to be aware of how you’re receiving, meeting and exchanging it.
If you know how you want something to be received, how can you deliver the message so your intention won’t be mistaken (emojis aside)?
If you don’t like what your Aunt Susan is saying, can you still understand how she arrived at her perspective? What’s her backstory? And if you can do that for your Aunt Susan, can you extend the benefit to someone you don’t particularly like (because we know you love Aunt Susan) or those who have to speak to a much larger audience?
How will you find compassion for the speaker when following a global conversation?
Compassion isn’t agreement. Don’t worry about that part.